Bed Rest

I decided that today I just needed to say a few words about having to stay in bed.  Those of you out there that can do it without getting restless and frustrated I applaud you!  I am going crazy!  I have the best support system around but I am really ready to be back to normal!  The recovery is going well just slow!  Thank you for sending well wishes and love!  It is hard to rely on others when you are use to doing things yourself so to my wonderful husband, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for putting up with my impatience and frustration.  I couldn't get through this with out you!  I promise to post pictures of our Skagway trip soon!  Unitl next time, keep your chins up and know I love you all!

Adoption

Brandon and I are excited that our adoption profile is up and going.  We are so thankful to everyone that has been so supportive in this adventure.  We hope that you will share our link with everyone you know! 

 https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/23312083/ourMessage.jsf

Thanks

My Cancer Story

Life never quite stays the same for long; I found this fact to be true yet again, on July 16, 2009. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I can truly say that I was only slightly shocked when the tests confirmed it. I had suspected it due to an ultrasound I had earlier that week. You know working in a doctor's office has its downfalls. You learn things you wish you hadn’t.

When I received the phone call from my doctor, who was very kind and willing to give me the rest of his day for questions and support, I knew that I had to have help from my Heavenly Father. I immediately went to my knees. I started to share my fears with him and while I was voicing concerns at the shock that was just given, I had an overwhelming calm come to me, I then knew that what I really should be praying for was the strength and courage I would need to face this next hurdle that had been placed before me. After I finished praying I called my husband, he happened to be out of town. After I spoke with him I just started back into my day. Trying to be strong and not think about it.

I was in charge of t-shirts for youth conference and needed to get them to the church. On the way to the church I called and talked with my parents. I told them that the ultrasound did indeed confirm that I had cancer. They were both very supportive and kept calm, which really helped since I was driving. My father gave me a wonderful piece of advice that helped calm my heart and soul he said, “As long as you are in the driver’s seat you can make it through anything”. How true these words would come to be. After arriving at the church I called my doctor who happened to be a member of my faith, I asked for a priesthood blessing. He offered a wonderful blessing assuring me that the Lord loved me and was aware of my situation and circumstance in life. Through him, the Lord was able to reassure me that I would be ok, the road that I was about to travel would be hard that I would have questions and concerns and that there would be things that would cause me to fear but I would be ok. My journey through life was not yet finished. From there things just started to happen.

After it really sunk in that I did indeed have cancer my mind started to whirl in all sorts of directions. I started having all kinds of questions. Ok, so what is going to happen? Who can I talk to? How is this going to affect my life? What is this going to do to my relationship with my husband? Then all of a sudden it was more than just questions. I was on a mission to answer them. All at once I found myself searching for more information. I called a friend I knew that was going through cancer. She would say, you need to do this, you need to do that and I would do it. Not long after I found out, things began to happen. It was a little overwhelming. I was seeing doctors right and left. I started to feel like a human pin cushion. They ran test after test to see what stage and grade of cancer I had. It was during this time that I learned that I didn’t have a death sentence, answering one of the fears that I had.

I remember sitting in the doctor’s office and having the doctor ask me if I wanted to have the lumps removed or if I wanted them to cut my breast off instead. What kind of question is that? How are you suppose to answer that? I know that at that point my mind went somewhere else and it was my husband that started listening for both of us. During the weeks leading up to my decision to have a mastectomy my mind was filled with a million questions but some how I found my self at peace even though there were tough decisions to be made. I knew that no matter what decision I made that the Lord would be there to help me through it. I had several discussions with my family members and friends that I had told. They all helped ease my mind and help answer questions. The only question that kept coming back to me was; I am going to look like a freak? The other thoughts that came to mind were, Why me? Is Brandon going to love me differently? Will I feel like me? It was SCARY! It was TOUGH! and it truly SUCKED!!! No one wants to have to make the decision of whether to have their breast removed or not. After my decision was made I felt at peace and knew that I would be ok; and that no matter what, I could make it through anything. I knew that things would be hard and that it wouldn't be easy, but I have been given a purpose here on the earth and it is not yet fullfilled.

After things were in motion I started to feel like I was floating on a cloud. I scheduled my surgery and started all of the preparations for that. I was so grateful that my parents were able to come and be here with me for that. I was sitting in the living room with my mom the night before my surgery and I remember asking her, why me again? I have been through so much already. Why can’t someone else have the hard trial? She told me, “You know that is not how the Lord works and he is here holding both of us, he knows you are scared, he loves you, he doesn’t want you to have to go through this, but you are and he is carrying you”. I knew she was right. The next morning while I was waiting to go into the operating room I once again asked for reassurance from Brandon and my parents that I would be ok. It took a little convincing again. But I knew they were right when they told me everything would be ok. We had one last prayer and they took me into surgery. After surgery was all over I felt at peace. I knew I was going to be ok. It is funny though; I thought that I would hurt a lot more than I did. Boy drugs now days are awesome.

I came home from the hospital the next day and the healing process began. It was a little easier than I thought it was going to be. I was able to eat, sleep and really rest. I had so many friends come and wish me well. They pampered me and I was amazed at the outpouring of charity that I received. When it came time for my parents to go back home I was so sad, my mom had been my right arm, literally. I didn’t know if I was going to make it. She had been helping me get dressed for the last two weeks. Brandon reassured me that he knew how to button a shirt and put on socks. He was right! He was so kind and patient with me during those first few days. I truly am blessed to have him as my husband. For the next few weeks I concentrated on taking care of me and getting better. It was during this time that I went to get fitted for my prosthesis. I was really nervous about it and asked my best friend to come with Brandon and me so that I could have a women’s point of view. She helped make that day light and fun instead of dreadful and daunting. I also was given instructions of how to take care of my arm and how I could regain some of the strength in my arm. Brandon and I visited the Cancer Society in Anchorage and attended the Look Better Feel Better class. What an amazing opportunity this was. They answered some of the questions I was having. I was very nervous about loosing my hair. I didn’t want to loose my hair, I was known for and by my red hair. During these classes, I learned how to take care of my skin and how to enhance the beauty I had. They told us, that being bald was going to be an experience for growth. I would have to learn to use courage and strength and that no matter what I was still going to be beautiful.

It had been about a three weeks since my surgery and I was getting anxious staying at home. I wanted to travel. I was blessed to be able to travel at this time. I was so excited that I left to as soon as possible to spend time with my family. While I was in Utah I went to my niece Alli's wedding, it was AWESOME!!! I also went to a family reunion. The part of the vacation that probably was the most exciting and helpful for me was the surprise party that my sisters put on for me. They invited all of my family and friends to my parents home, where they gave me a “Hat”itude party.
It was to help prepare me for chemo and loosing my hair. The decorations and food that was prepared were all pink and everyone was instructed to wear hats and to bring me a hat or scarf I could wear during my chemo treatments. I couldn't have asked for a better break right before my chemo treatments started. I felt such and amazing love from all of these women, and of course by the rest of my family members.  Shortly before my chemo treatments were to start they performed another surgery to install what is called a port into my chest. This would allow easier access for my infusions. It was a little nerve racking having to have another surgery. It went off with out any problems. The days leading up to my first chemo treatment seemed to fly right by. Before I knew it the day was here.

September 14, 2009 started the next part of my cancer journey. Treatment day was here. I was scheduled to have 8 sessions of chemo; I would go in every other Monday and receive my treatments. The treatments that were going to be given to me are referred to as duo dense. They pretty much gave me rat poision during each treatment and then tried to make me better again with a shot the next day. The wonderful nurses at the treatment center made me feel calm. They talked me through everything that was going to happen. I was on the next stretch of my journey and they were going to be there right beside me. I would go in every other week and set in a very comfortable chair and received my treatments. I would be able to talk with Brandon, friends, watch TV, talk with other patients or sleep. When I had received all that was needed I would then go home.   After my 2nd treatment I noticed that my hair was starting to come out more and more. It was very disheartening to discover that the one thing I really wasn't looking forward to was starting to happen. I knew it normally came between the 2nd and 3rd treatment session, I was hoping that my case would wait until the 3rd but apparently it had a different idea. I had mixed emotions during this week about what was happening. At first I thought I could handle the fact that every time I put my fingers in my hair that I would pull 30-50 strands of hair out but by Wednesday that week I was starting to really become very upset about it. I tried to get Brandon and his mom Ann to shave my head for me that night but they talked me into waiting just a few more days stating that it still looked ok. But Thursday brought even more hair into my brush and fingers and it was starting to be more than I could handle. I had been given a name of a fellow cancer survivor who had a hair salon that was willing to help those of us battling cancer as she did.

Betty, the salon owner, was amazing! She was so positive and upbeat about what it was I was there for. So I did it, I had my head shaved! She talked me through everything, and she shared her story with Brandon and me as she proceeded to shave me. She even let me shave a few strips. Doing so was actually was very liberating. She helped me find and shape wigs that fit me and my personality. She also helped me see that wearing a wig could be fun. That “Bald is beautiful!” She truly made the part that I was dreading, not so scary and faceable. After all it was only hair and; It Is What It Is. She truly was an angel in a world of despair. She did this all at no charge to me. She is an awesome cancer survivor that gives back very liberally. I hope that I can follow in her foot steps.

During chemo I was pretty tired week after week and I truly felt like I had been hit by a freight train. I had heard it said that it got worse each time. I found that this was pretty true. When friends and family would ask how I was I would say I am fine. They use to say how sorry they were and I would say “It Is What It Is”. I didn’t really want to let them all in. On the outside where everyone could see me I needed to be fine. I didn’t want to share what was going on inside. Inside where no one could see; I was a mess. I was becoming mad at the fact that I was going through this. Why was it always me in the trial? I thought everyone else was having it easy. I didn’t want to share that side with everyone. I shared it only with Brandon, I knew he would just listen and then reassure me it was ok to feel like that. I didn’t realize however that the drugs were also agitating me. I had started hurting the ones that I loved. I couldn’t see that I was changing not only physically but emotionally and mentally as well. With treatments # 5 and #6 I was given a drug they call taxol. That is exactly what it was; “taxing”. It was whipping most of my energy out of me. During this time I started experiencing what they call peripheral neuropathy. It made some tasks very hard, not undoable but very hard. It was like is having dead weight; or a better way to describe it would probably be having your feet and hands fall asleep, and not being able to wake them up. You end up having to use them like that anyway. I also had a continuous ache throughout my lower legs that felt like I had just ran a marathon and couldn't seem to get them to function. For the most part I was able to get along with lots of patience from Brandon and his mom. I was still able to do most everything for myself. When Thanksgiving came around, things got worse. I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain. I was unable to walk on my own. I was terrified that this would be permanent. I was embarrassed that I needed help to do some of the simplest things. After knowing that I was going to be ok, I found my self praying for patience as well as for those around me to have patience with me. It was truly a humbling experience knowing that I had to rely on others for help. When my chemo treatments were all done I had a party!

After chemo was done for me; my next step was radiation. This, I was not looking forward to. I am very fair skinned and knew that I would probably burn quickly. I went to the radiologists and she informed me that I had to have 33 treatments. So the next journey began. I would go in everyday and have my session of radiation. The first 10 sessions came and went without any problems. When I started getting ready on day 11 I noticed that I was very sore and that my skin was very tight. This only proved to be the start of a very bad day. When I got to radiation the doctor informed me that I would have to take a break. My skin was not doing well. I was not happy! This would be the first of 3 breaks I had to take. I would go through a few days of rest and then another few sessions and then another break. March 13, 2010 was a “graduation” if you will. My last session of radiation! I was finished, no more appointments everyday. What a true relief, I had done everything that was necessary for me as a cancer patient. Shortly after I was finished with all of my treatments I received a letter in the mail stating that I had completed all of the treatments and that I was cancer free.

I am truly grateful for the miracle of medicine. I am so grateful that they are able to detect and treat cancer in the early stages. I know that I have been watched over and protected during this journey. As I start the next part of my journey, reconstruction; I am amazed at the love and support that I have received from those that have just heard about my situation. I have come in contact with so many women that have gone through what I went through and still have yet gone through. We have been able to share our experiences. We have been able to help support one another. The one thing that I have been able to realize about the whole process is that no matter how you try to live, cancer is not something that needs to be feared. If the “C” word makes an appearance, it doesn’t have to be a death sentence.   I only share my story so that others might find strength if needed and education for those that help to provide strength and courage to others. We have technology today that helps us know things far in advance if we are in need of help. Please do not put off a mammogram, it could save your life. Please remember that Cancer is survivable, as long as you are in the driver’s seat and you are in control, you have nothing to fear. After all, “It Is What It Is!”

I'm Done

Well I hope that all of  you had a wonderful Christmas.  I actually had a great Christmas.  I went in for my last treatment on the 21st and when I asked what my levels where and wether or not I would have to have the shot on the 22nd they told me that I didn't have too.  It has been the source we believe of alot of the pain that I have been experiencing.  I didn't have to have it and so I was mostly pain free for the Holiday.  I have now completed all of the Chemo treatments and I went in yesterday to check all of my levels and they were where they were suppose to be YEA!!  That means I am totally done with the Chemo process, no extra fluids or shots for me!  Next week I go in to discuss the next steps and we are moving on with this process.  I can't wait for it to all be over.  I know that I said I would be better at this and I promise to try and be better. 

I am starting school back up on Monday and I am excited to be back in the classroom again and to see the kids on the playground.  I hope that my legs and hands are working much bettter by then.  I am starting to getting feeling back in them I am just a little worried about being outside in the cold with them.  I guess I will have to bundle even more.  Good thing I have good winter gear.

I had an excellent Christmas, I received teh Willowtree Nativity pieces from Mom, Aunt Greta, and Brandon and I love it.  I haven't set it all up yet but I have taken pieces out to see them and I can't wait.  It is very interesting living limited space!  I also received some fun cartridges for my cricket and I can't wait to use them. 

Well I need to get lunch on for Brandon so I will sign off for now but i will kepp you posted on life and the happenings hear.  Love and Miss you all!

Treatment #6

Well family and friends I am taking a little time today to share with you have it is I am feeling lately.  It has been a very interesting road these last little while.  With treatment # 5 and now #6 I was given the second dose of a drug they call taxol.  That is exactly what it is taxing.  It is taking most of my energy and whipping it out.  I have been experiencing some perpherial neuropathy along with it that is making some tasks very hard, not undoable but very hard.  What it is like is having dead wait or a better way to describe it would probably be having your feet and hands a sleep and  you can't wake them up so you have to use them anyway.  I also have a continous ache throughout my lower legs that feel like I just ran a marathon and can't seem to get them to function.  For the most part though I am able to get a long with lots of patience from Brandon and his mom and I am still able to do most everything for myself.  I am still working on my good weeks and it is going pretty well considering we are in very cold weather.  I make sure I bundle really well and then I do as little running around,  as possible.  My boss is amazing to work for and he is very concerned with keeping me safe and healthy.  Well there you have it.  My progress report.  And it only took me 15 minutes to keep these fingers going.  I am glad I can still use my fingers and toes to function and that considering what it is I am facing Dr. Lawson still calls me a perfect patient.  I hope that you all find yourself having a wonderful Turkey day this week and know that I love and miss you all!
Sharon

Wigs

Well I guess these are a little late but I told Mom I would get them on here so here they are.  Which one do you like the most?

Short:

or

Shorter

Well it has been kind of fun being a blonde, I haven't quite decieded if they have more fun, I will have to keep you posted. 



Here is just one more to let you see how much fun I have with them:

Hope you like them!!  More later!!

Treatments

Well my family and friends, we have reached the half way point. I have finished my first 4 treatments of chemo.  I can say that I am glad that they are over and that we only have 4 more treatments left.  I will be starting my new regiment of chemo for the last 4 treatments next week.  I have heard that they are slightly different so hopefully they won't make me so sick.  Let's hope anyway.  I am so grateful for all of the love and supports that I have received from all of you and want you to know that it doesn't go unoticed.  I daily feel the love and support of my family and friends and most importantly from my Heavenly Father.  I know that he is real and feel him surround me everyday.  I have most recently felt him with me as I have struggled to know how to move forward.  It is hard to know just how much I will be feeling up to doing with the coming year with school and such so I  have used my knees more than usual lately.  Wish you all were here with me to celebrate my halfway point but I will eat some icecream for you all, at least one bite!!

Bald is Beautiful

Well I did it, I shaved my head! After my treatment monday I noticed that my hair was starting to come out more and more. It was very disheartening to discover that the one thing I really wasn't looking forward to was starting to happen. I knew it normally came between the 2nd and 3rd treatment session, I was hoping that my case would wait until the 3rd but apparently it had a different idea. I have had mixed emotions this week about what was happening. At first I thought I could handle the fact that every time I put my fingers in my hair that I would pull 30-50 strands out but by wednesday I was starting to really be beside myself about it. I tried to get Brandon and his mom Ann to shave it for me Wednesday night but they talked me into waiting just a few more days sstating that it still looked ok. But Thrursday brought even more hair into my brush and fingers and it was starting to be more than I could handle. I had been given a name of a fellow sister who had a hair salon that was willing to help those of us in this amazing group. Betty, the salon owner, was amazing! She was so positive and upbeat about what it was I was there for. She talked through everything, and she shared her story with Brandon and I as she preceeded to shave my head. She even let me shave a few strips that actually was really a little liberating. She helped me shape the wigs that I already had to fit me and my personality if you will and also helped me find another that was very fun. She truly made the part of all of this that was something I wasn't looking forward to not so scary and faceable. She truly is an angel in a world of dispair. She did this all at no charge to me. She is an Awesome cancer Survior giving back. I hope that I can follow in her foot steps.

Well as my mother told me, my head is very beautiful! I hope that you enjoy the journey with me.

Here are a few of the pics from my journey!

Even the back is  cute!

Here is my Mom wig!  What do you think do I look like my Mom?  Brandon thinks so! :)

Here is the fun and flirty wig!

Here is the new wig from my journey with Betty, she is going to try and find one that is even closer to my true hair color.  I totally love this hat, fun, flirty, and very snug!  Thanks Tonya!!

She told me that it is kinda fun wearing so many different types of wigs, maybe one day I will try a blonde wig, who knows?  Hope you have enjoyed the journey so far!

Isn't he the cutest guy ever!!! 

Thanks so much for being there every step of the way! 

I LOVE YOU!!!!

Living with Breast Cancer

Well as many of you know during this summer, July 16, 2009, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I can truly say that I was only slightly shocked when they confirmed what I had kind of figured from an ultrasound earlier that week. You know working in a doctor's office has its downfalls. Anyway, I have decided to start this blog so that my friends and family can check in and see how things are going and see what else it is that Brandon and I are doing.

During the weeks leading up to my decision to have a mastectomy my mind was filled with a million questions but some how I was at peace for the tough decision a head. I knew that no matter what decision I made that the Lord would be there to help me through it. I am only sharing my thoughts and feelings about this is hopes to help others that may be going through or have to go through this. It is SCARY! It is TOUGH! and it truly SUCKS!!! Sorry mom I know you don't like that word, but it does. After my decision was made I felt at peace and knew that I would be ok and that no matter what I could make it through anything. Right after I was told about the cancer, I received a blessing that let me know that as long as I continued to keep praying and have faith that things would be ok. I knew that things would be hard and that it wouldn't be easy, but I have been given a purpose here on earth and it is not yet fullfilled. Well anyway I know that we are all sent here for a purpose and reason, mine is yet to be fullfilled according to my Heavenly Father.

It has been about a month and a half since my surgery and I was blessed to have my parents here for that, THANK YOU!!!! and I was able to travel to Utah for Alli's wedding, AWESOME!!! and the family reunion. I couldn't have asked for a better break right before my treatments start.

I have 8 sessions of chemo treatments. The treatments that they are giving to me are called duodense. They pretty much give me rat poision and then try to make me better again with daily shots the week after chemo. If you truly want the names of the drugs just let me know. Anyway, I go in every other week and set in a very comfortable chair and then I get to go home. I am pretty tired that week after and I truly feel like I have been hit like a freight train. I have heard it said that it get worse each time, but I think that if I try to do the same thing each time then I will just keep going the way I am and that will be that, after all It Is What It Is!

Well I have a lot of things to do and not a lot of time to do, until later!

Hat Party

Family and Friends

Wow! Who is this Handsome Fellow??

Well they always said that I had a nice shaped head!Do I have this one on right?

Thank you all so much! Love You!!

Well there have been many that have been waiting for this. So here it is....

Brandon and I met in Cedar City, Utah at Southern Utah University. We had several mutual friends, we just always seemed to be dating others. Well in the spring of '97 Brandon finally decided to make his move. He took me for a motorcycle ride and there we found that "Think Clots" would tie us together forever. After a few short weeks of dating, a girls choice dance was our actual first date. We decided to wait until school was finished for the year and my world traveling was finished. It was a very long enagement, but we made it through. We were married in the Manti Temple July 18, 1998.

We have loved our lives thus far together and are always excited to see what is around the next corner. We have had some fun adventures and have moved from one end of the state of Utah to the next. Brandon and I have moved over 20 times in our marriage thus far and are now living in Wasilla, Alaska. Where many of you probably remember I said I would never, never, never, never, never ever live. Those words have come back to haunt me many times over. I truly am learning to love it here and I am very grateful for the family and friends that love and support me here and far.